Majestica
by HappyBlushCalayapie
Summary: Sam, Dean, Jo, Lucifer, Gabriel, and Castiel had a six-way last night, and Lucifer has to explain what happened to poor Sammy the next morning. Crackfic! The only true pairing by the end of this is Samifer. Oneshot.


Title: Majestica

TV Show: Supernatural

Pairings for this chapter: Samifer (official), These next pairings were because of the so-called "drugs". I'm too lazy to type out all the possible pairings, but basically, Sam, Dean, Lucifer, Gabriel, Castiel, and Jo had a six-way.

Sam groaned. He felt awful this morning. He could feel a person in bed with him, but his vision was too blurry to be able to see who it was.

"Ugh… My head… I feel like I slept for _days_…" he ran a hand down his face.

"You did. I stayed waiting for you to wake up so I could explain what happened." A male voice said. Sam recognized this voice. He blinked until his eyes came into focus. His eyes widened, and he was in too much shock to scream. "Shh, Sammy… Don't scream. I come in peace. Also, it's your fault I'm here, so you can't say I came and raped you, 'cause if anything, it went the other way around."

'Lucifer's in bed with me… sweet mother of everything and all things beautiful, what did I _do_ last night?!' Sam screamed in his head. Reading his thoughts, Lucifer answered his question.

"The creature Majestica—there's only one, before you ask—came into town. She only has to come into contact with a person—or creature or monster of any kind—and they act on all their dark desires. The next day, unless you're an angel, you won't remember a single thing you did during that whole time. And boy, did we do a lot…"

"You're not real… I get it. I'm just going nuts again…"

"Again? I'll ask what you mean by that later, but the _real_ question is: how can a person be so out of it that they don't notice the four other people in bed with us?"

"What?!" Sam took the covers and sheets and threw them off of them. In bed with them, just as naked as they were, was his brother Dean, his friend Castiel, Gabriel (who should be dead), and Jo (who should be dead as well). "W-w-what? But… twoofthepeoplehereare_impossible_andsoareyouandmybrother'shereanddearGodwhathaveIdone ?!"

"Slow down, Sammy! Listen, I need to explain about Majestica. It would probably be best if we didn't do it here, though. And I'll explain the impossible people. Actually, there's _four_ impossible people… But staying here until the other confused people wake up would be bad. Let's leave them a note and hope they don't freak out as much as they probably will, okay?" Lucifer snapped his fingers and the note he thought up was under Dean's head so that it would be the first thing he hopefully saw, and then he snapped again. He and Sam were cleaned up, dressed, and someplace else. They were sitting on another bed.

"Okay. Start talking." Sam said.

"Ask a specific question, first."

"Majestica. What did she _do_ exactly?"

"She was supposed to show up if Plan A failed, which is the apocalypse. She thought Me and Mike were never gonna do our fight, so she decided to go with Plan B and come cleanse the Earth one city at a time. She brings out the bad in everyone for one night, the sleep for 24 hours, forget what happened and all that they did, and somehow, everyone becomes closer and happier because they got everything off their chests, but don't remember, therefore, they have no guilt to speak of. She can only be killed by God, so… just stay out of her way, let her do her job, and this will never happen again."

"So, are we avoiding the apocalypse again?"

"Actually, she showed up, and you Winchesters were in town, and you had millions of dark things you wanted to do. You are a very rebellious kid, you know that? One of the first things you did was free me. You freed me, said yes before you even asked, and gave me this look that was _so_ predatory… you made me feel like I was some sort of dessert you were desperate to eat, and so I let you have me. We attacked Michael while he was vulnerable, beat the crap out of him for torturing us in the cage, and then were killed him with an angel blade. You asked me to do some special things for you. I brought back Jo and Bobby, and for me, I brought back Gabriel because he's my favorite little brother. I cleaned up Heaven since it was a mess after Cas went on a rampage of some sort, and when we came back, everyone else was affected. You drank the most demon blood you've ever drank in your life, you fucked the hell out of me after I went back to Nick's body, and he didn't have to say yes because he was dead already, and somehow, by the end of the night, these other people ended up in the bedroom with us. What a way to lose one's virginity, right? At least it was my sweet little Sammy that popped my cherry first…"

Sam was bewildered. All of _that_ happened?

"I feel sad that Michael couldn't stay for the rebirth of Earth. We rule this place now, see, but I think I wanna take a different approach than what scripture says. I beat my brother, I'm top dog now. That's enough for me. And Majestica's out doing her thing, cleaning up the world in her own special way, so…" Sam got up from the bed and looked out the window. The city was practically in ruins, and people were asleep (hopefully not dead) all over the place.

"Was this _my_ fault?" the human asked feeling very distressed.

"No, that was the other humans because of Majestica. Don't worry. The, what I _thought_ would be large-scale 'apocalypse' thing only lasted five minutes. Would've been one, but we tortured him first."

"If Majestica brings out the inner darkness in everyone, why did good things happen? Like, Jo, Bobby, and Gabriel being alive?"

"You asked or me to make some things happen, and I did. I'd go to the ends of the Universe and back for you, and you know it. I put your parents lost souls in Heaven where they belong. They're with each other and at peace, now. Bobby wasn't at peace. He was just gone, so I brought him back so that when he does die, he can go properly this time. Gabriel? I regretted having to end him. I missed my baby brother. I still can't believe that we all had sex last night, though… I'm sore as hell, and it seems that there was massive tension between Dean and Castiel, Dean and Jo, Gabriel and me, me and you, which I already knew about because of our bond, and Gabriel and me, and you and Dean." Sam made a disgusted face. "You were drugged, practically, if it helps. Gabe and I weren't, so this is going to be awkward for us angels for the rest of our lives. Like I said… us angels have a total recollection of last night's antics. Luckily for you, if Castiel doesn't spill the beans, he won't know about what happened."

And then, they heard a scream from four people.

"We're in the same house?" Sam asked.

"Yes, and they just woke up." Lucifer said.

"I just don't get it… why didn't I ask for Jessica?"

"Because you told me that you only wanted me, and I didn't want you asking for another love-partner. Sammy, the world is ours, but the best thing we have is each other. I promise that you're going to be happier, now."

"I don't trust you… not after what you did to me while I was hallucinating. Now way."

"Hallucinating? I couldn't have been doing that. I was being tortured by my very angry and spiteful big brother up until just the other day when you pulled me from the fire. Let me fix those memories of yours. I'm sure they're scrambled." He touched Sam's forehead and Sam doubled over in pain. The mixed up and messed up thoughts in his head suddenly made sense.

"Lucifer… we fought together against Michael in the cage, and we… had feelings for each other…"

"I always regretted not having sex with you while you were down there with me. Last night kind of makes up for it, though. I wish it could have been just us, and that you could remember what happened. It might be best that you don't, though."

"SAM, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" someone screamed. It sounded like Dean.

"Oh shit… Dean…" Sam said. "What'd that note say?"

"'Don't panic'." Lucifer shrugged.

"'Don't panic'?! Dude!"

"I'm just sayin'…"

In walked Gabriel, who had enough decency to put on boxers, but lacked everything else in his confusion.

"Luci, what the fuck, man?" the trickster-as-a-cover angel said.

"You sort of showed up after I brought you back, and Sam threw me into heat, and you start touching my wings, and then more people showed up, and things got out of hand…" the Devil confessed.

"There are _no_ words for this. _None_." Jo, who was fully clothed said angrily. "who wants to explain this to me? I feel like shit, and I woke up with a bunch of men, and one of them was a stranger!" she said, referring to Gabriel.

"Hey, girly, it's not my fault that this happened! You just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Sam, you're here and—" Dean stopped talking when he saw Lucifer. "I'll fucking _kill_ you!" he went at Lucifer with a knife. Sam stood in his way. "Dammit Sam, MOVE!"

"No, Dean! Last night wasn't his fault! But the memories are bad, so I can't tell you what happened, because I don't know either." Sam lied flawlessly.

_Surprisingly, not a bad liar. _Lucifer thought, sending the thought to Sam's mind. Sam replied with,

_Shut up._

"Well, what do I need to hunt? If it wasn't the fucking Devil, then what are we after?" Dean asked angrily.

"Majestica." Castiel said. "She is just doing her job. It's a cleanse for the Earth. Everyone acts on anything bad that they've ever wanted to act on, and then they wake up 24 hours later with no recollection of the night before. Please don't ask what happened. Knowing would be very stressful."

"Yeah, Cas, we don't need that info goig live, here, 'cause then her job would have failed. It's supposed to relieve tension without all the guilt." Gabriel said. He snapped his fingers and he was dressed, holding a piece of pie.

"This isn't a good time for me to be asking this, but what kind of pie is that?" Dean asked.

"Cadbury Crème Egg. My own invention."

"Dude, fuckin' sweet!"

"Not giving you any, Dean-O. Not in the mood to share and care." Gabriel took a bite of his pie.

"Where's my mom? Is she here? _Tell_ me she wasn't a part of… _that_." Jo said, reffering to their six-way.

_I oughta bring her mom back, as well._ Lucifer did so, and Ellen walked through the door. She looked everyone over.

_Does Bobby have his wife? If not, he should. You know… if you want to…_ Sam said.

_I'll do it_.

"Is it just me, or is everyone that should be dead alive here?" Bobby said after he entered the room. Everyone looked at him, surprised. Dean and Cas were the most surprised to see him.

"_Bobby_?" Dean said.

"Did any of you do something? 'Cause, a lot of us shouldn't even _be_ here right now." Bobby said.

"Trust me when I say, while last night had its major downfalls, making deals with angels isn't such a bad thing while drugged-up and confused." Lucifer said. Everyone then looked at Sam.

"Look… it was Majestica, okay? The people tore up the town, and the apocalypse ended in five minutes. Me and Lucifer or sort of… kings of the Earth now?" Sam shrugged a bit, making a sheepish face.

"_WHAT_?!" everyone screamed.

"Now, now… calm down. Let me tell you the good I've already done." Lucifer explained how Sam and Dean's parents were now together in Heaven, Heaven was cleaned up Bobby, who had just died and went nowhere after having his flask burned, was now back so that he could choose properly when hunted down by a reaper when his time came. "Oh, and you're wife's now in the kitchen." He said to Bobby. Bobby, whose eyes were wide with surprise, said a quick 'thank you' before briskly walking to the kitchen, which smelled of apple pie. "Sam wanted Jo back just because."

"And my mom?" Jo asked hopefully. Sam gave Lucifer a look and sent a thought to him.

_Do it._

_Gee, Sammy… pushy, pushy…_ Lucifer brought Ellen back.

"Check the kitchen. She's trying the pie." Jo smiled at the Devil before running to the kitchen.

"If I had known that this was how it could've been, we never would've caged you again. Sorry 'bout that." Dean said.

"No, you were right to cage me again. Being tortured by my brother for all those hell years really changed me. I realized that I didn't want to do that plan as my Father intended, so I changed the story's end. And since Michael was caught off guard by the sudden attack, we took him down without damaging the planet. Of course, the humans of this town did a number on it…"

"So, now what?" Sam asked.

"Next order of business is that I want to wipe all of the demons off the face of the Earth, but that can wait for now. I don't think I should rule Heaven on my own, so I want to rule it with you, Sam. And I want you to be happy, so I'll make sure that while we're on business up there, your family and friends can come visit without dying first."

"We're going to be in Heaven permanently?" Sam said, frowning.

"Not permanently, but sometimes the jobs could take longer than we'd like, so…"

"I get it." Sam smiled.

"Dude, come on! Gabriel's teaching us how to make Cadbury Crème Egg pie!" Dean said enthusiastically. Lucifer and Sam looked at each other for a moment and then smiled. It was a new beginning, and it was just starting. They joined everyone in the kitchen, walking hand-in-hand.

**END**

.X.O.X.O.X.

**I really like how this turned out. I wrote all of this in one sitting, and if anyone has suggestions on what to do for a sequel, I might do it if I'm inspired enough. Don't suggest writing the six-way though. If YOU want to do it, reference back to this story and make sure people know I wrote this first before you do anything, tell me about it, and don't forget the "wing!kink"!**


End file.
